My life story, or at least a little more about me…
Born and raised in the Netherlands as the oldest sister of 3, in a very sweet family living in the middle of nowhere.
I grew up as a quiet and capable kid. Nothing that was standing out in particular, although I was good in many things, I was never the best at anything.
I liked playing outside, pretending I was an acrobat in the circus, playing music, and create anything with paper, beads, and yarn.
When I was 16, I got sick and nobody knew what was wrong with me. I was in pain, all over my arms and legs, and mean headaches as well.
With months of hospital visits, alternative healers, and ‘rest’, I learned to deal with the pain I was experiencing non-stop by shutting down all signals from my body from the neck down.
I ended up in a wheelchair for a couple of months and after a rehabilitation program I slowly started to get back to an adjusted version of my normal life.
That year I did not go to school, so I ended up in a new class the year after, with a scooter to get me there, and more time for exams to compensate for my headaches.
I finished high-school, got into University and did my Human Movement Sciences studies in 6 years instead of 5, always trying to keep up, and - if possible - even get ahead of my classmates.
With this attitude and my perseverance, I landed a PhD position at the University I was studying at, and many dreams came true, one of which the possibility to work abroad in a renowned Neuroscience lab.
One year in and my health declined up to a point that I could not take care of myself anymore, with groceries and cooking being too much next to doing my job.
After a big struggle, I finally called in sick, because when are you really sick when you are sick for 10 years?
I stayed with my parents for some time, and my mom found person nr 186 that might be able to help me, and so we went to get an appointment.
After the intake and some tests, I finally got a diagnosis after 10 years of pain: Lyme’s disease.
As I grew up in the woods, playing outside, and rolling in the grass, I had many tick bites.. a quick ‘tick-check’ before going to bed was very normal in our part of the woods.
I had also been tested many times, but the tests were not very reliable or comprehensive, so it was always negative.
With the diagnosis, I at least had a starting point, but with the disease being there for so long, the normal antibiotics cure would not have done much.
Luckily my new doctor did not despair, and was willing to try many treatments (that i all had to pay for myself), until we would find the right combination of support for my immune system and lowering of any load.
2 years of treatments, not knowing if I would ever go back to my University PhD life, struggling with normal tasks, having to get an electric wheelchair, and so many people taking care of me, before slowly I could take care of myself again.
In those years I started my Yoga Teacher Training, where most of the time I would not be able to participate in Asana practice, but learned a lot more about the body, the breath, Yoga philosophy, myself, and my pain.
Through yoga I regained the connection to my physical body, that I had tried to ignore for so many years, anything to function without the overwhelm of the pain.
A year into that training I learned about the magic of AcroYoga, an acrobatic form of yoga that reminded me a lot of the acro gymnastic and playing circus I used to do with my sisters.
Being welcomed into the community of AcroYoga in Amsterdam was one of the most healing parts in my journey, to feel like I could belong somewhere, and I felt so seen.
I realized that I needed to do something more with that and started to get myself ready to become an AcroYoga teacher.
Being upside down, laughing with my new friends, being playful and silly, and spending lots of time outdoor seemed to be very good for me.
I had discovered that being in a warm and sunny climate, especially during Dutch winter, made me feel much better.
So I set myself a new challenge; building a life where I could go to the sun regularly, while having a Dutch husband that wanted to live in the Netherlands.
For a while I seemed to do so much better; I was working in my own business, traveling abroad for short term projects, and slowly finding my way into a new reality that I had created after having to let go my dreams at University.
Covid definitely changed those travel plans a bit.
Without being able to follow the plan I had laid out for myself, I started focusing on the other plans that I had.
Me and my partner at the time wanted to start a family, and very soon I got pregnant, only to lose 3 pregnancies within 6 months.
Again the doctors did not have an explanation other than ‘bad luck’, but my body and mind needed some time before trying again.
As the rules for travel slowly lifted, I went to an Acrobatic training in Spain and could finally feel what my heart already knew for a long time: the relationship and life I was in did not fit with me anymore.
So with a heavy heart I came home for the last time, split with my partner, bought a car, gave most of my belongings away and drove to Spain, to follow my heart and build a new life where I could thrive instead of survive.
Starting over was something I became good at and looking at it now these are all steps in my path to claiming my power, getting to know myself, and building a life that truly fits with me.
Scared of all the judgements, instability, financial insecurity, and the idea that I might end up alone, and still I went for it.
Mostly because by now I learned to listen to my intuition, I could hear the voice inside telling me what was the right path, and the fear of a life where I would mostly fight to survive was so big, that the only way forward was to live true to my heart.
The nomadic lifestyle has brought many challenges and rewards, and I have learned so many more things about myself, love, health, and life in the last years, both by living and by purposely following courses.
I can finally say that I’m not ill anymore, that is a part I have left behind.
My new-found appreciation and admiration for my body has led me to agree that I will listen carefully to my body, even when it whispers, so it never has to scream again.
My personal journey, plus all the tools I have gathered and practiced over the years, are brought together in many of my offerings.
I am a yoga and Acroyoga teacher, I love guiding meditations, communication and relating sessions, mantra singing, giving or teaching massage and the art of therapeutics, building gym programs, and embodied coaching.
I wish that my path and my long search for answers, can help generate a short cut for others.
Not to have an easier time, we all go through life learning from the hard parts, but with support and the feeling that you don’t have to do everything alone, that there is guidance.
So if you have a personal mountain, whether that is living life more embodied, making choices from your heart, gaining confidence in the aesthetics and capabilities of your body, going for the life changing decision - I am here for you.